


In which we disarm the llama

by china_shop



Category: Canadian Actor RPF, Fandom RPF
Genre: Crack, Fic, Llamas, M/M, Mary Sue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-04-19
Updated: 2006-04-19
Packaged: 2017-10-13 00:48:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/130956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/china_shop/pseuds/china_shop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sous-chef Callum comes out of the cold store with his arms full of spinach or bok choy or some other green leafy thing, and he's chewing gum and smiling to himself like he's got a secret, and we both kind of slide off the counter helplessly because he is just. that. hot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In which we disarm the llama

**china_shop:** Yes! Let's run away together to the cruiseliner, oh please!

 **mergatrude:** pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!

 **mergatrude:** I feel the need to hang out in the kitchen and eat pastries and chat to the chefs.

 **china_shop:** We sit side by side on the counter, stealing strawberries and watching Hugh decorating a large scrumptious-looking cheesecake.

And maybe ogling his butt.

He's humming to himself. After a few minutes he turns around and catches me looking at... not the cheesecake. I blush and he narrows his eyes at me. "What the fuck're you looking at?"

For a minute I freeze, embarrassed and a little scared, 'cause he's looking kind of tough despite the pastry chef uniform and the silly hat, but then he cracks out a laugh and I burst out laughing too (partly in relief), and Hugh hands us the bowl with the leftover raspberries.

I whisper to you under my breath, "I think I'm in love."

You nod seriously. "Fair enough, but--"

And then sous-chef Callum comes out of the cold store with his arms full of spinach or bok choy or some other green leafy thing, and he's chewing gum and smiling to himself like he's got a secret, and we both kind of slide off the counter helplessly because he is just. that. hot.

 **mergatrude:** *melts like chocolate buttons in a double boiler*

Seriously hot, but it's that look he gives Hugh from beneath lowered lashes, as he says to him, "Those girls giving you a hard time?"

ghghghghgh! *falls into bowl of raspberries*

 **china_shop:** He smiles that soft mischievous smile and puts down his vegetables just in time to catch -- as well as he can -- the clump of cheesecake flying toward his head. He looks at the mess in his hand, and Hugh grinning at him, daring him, but instead of throwing it back, or squishing it into Hugh's hair, he brings his hand up to his mouth and licks it clean with his long pointy tongue (omg, knifelicking!).

We lie on the floor and moan quietly.

 **mergatrude:** *flails incoherently*

*still flailing*

Just talk quietly amongst yourselves.

 **china_shop:** They do. "Fucker," says Hugh, and picks up the icing bag full of whipped cream that he's been using to put swirls on the (now sadly disarrayed) cheesecake. Callum holds out his hands, laughing and trying to fend him off, but Hugh's a pushy bastard, and he manages to squirt cream all over Callum's crotch.

"Fine," says Callum, "So lick it off, then." He grabs Hugh by the hair and licks the side of his face where he's somehow ended up with a smear of cheesecake.

"I was going to, cuntface," says Hugh, giving him attitude. "Why the fuck do you think I put it there?"

 **mergatrude:** Eeeeeeeeeeeeee! *smacks headlong into PG-13 barrier*

 **china_shop:** Hugh and Callum stop, a foot apart from each other, looking puzzled. They can't seem to get any closer. It's like there's a forcefield or something.

Then Hugh looks over Callum's shoulder, and sees Albuquerque, who's just wandered in through the swing doors from the main dining room. "What the goddamned hell is that llama doing in my kitchen?" Hugh yells. "Doesn't it know there are health regulations? Jesus on a fucking toasting fork!"

"I think she's just looking for marshmallows," you say hastily, and grab a large canister of sticky sugary puffs. Albuquerque trots over inquisitively, and I pounce on her and hold her down.

"Quick!" I squeak. "Stick the marshmallows in her ears!"

She twitches them wildly and struggles to pull her head away, but you manage to get two or three in each ear (and several dozen all over the floor and in the wool of her neck).

"That should temporarily disarm her," I say, putting my head on one side and studying her thoughtfully. "I don't know why I didn't think of it before."

"Why marshmallows?" You look bewildered, as though you've finally noticed the hole in my bag of marbles.

"Eh," I shrug. "She had to have some kind of off-switch. Gelatinous sugar-dense substances just seemed like a good idea at the time."

"Huh." You blink at the llama a couple more times, and then a loud clatterclangBANG behind us makes us both swing around to see Callum and Hugh, uh, doing, hmm, the kinds of things that suggest they've forgotten we're even in the room. Ahem.

I glance at them, and then blush and avert my eyes. But jeez, the sounds they're making! The slap of skin against skin and the soft wet kissing noises and the moans-- I have to look.

As I do, I notice that you appear to be completely transfixed. Pervert.

 **mergatrude:** I am! It's true, but what else would you do if you... oh my! *stares*


End file.
